Toff Central

Randolph Sultan
played the ultimate alpha Romeo
in his Alfa Romeo.
In reality, choosy escorts become extinct
whenever Randolph enters the precinct.
At a red light,
a homeless teen begged for lunch.
“You da man”
Randolph said to his pocket mirror
as he lit a one hundred dollar bill
with a Gurkha Black Dragon cigar.
“Please sir” the girl persisted.
“Get a job” Sultan taunted as he flaunted.
“Could you buy me a suit for an interview”
the gaunt, trembling girl begged.
“There’s one in the opp shop window,
out of my sight dole bludging parasite!”
Sultan crash tackled her,
as she sprinted from the servo
with stolen sanitary napkins.
He bought himself a gold law enforcement medallion.
His celebratory cocktail
cost more than three days of welfare.
Randolph drove his Maserati to church,
to ask God to imbue the poor
with his famous work ethic.
“If they have a go they’ll get a go,”
his pastor agreed.

2 thoughts on “Toff Central

  1. I hope this was meant to be funny because I was laughing while I read it. It was very visual. alpha Romeo in his Alpha Romeo is very clever. I liked “taunted as he flaunted”. I didn’t believe that the beggar girl wanted money to buy a suit for a job interview, so that was funny too.

    1. From the point of view of mocking the callousness, greed, narcissism and hypocrisy of Randolph Sultan the poem is intended to be funny. At no stage does it say that the girl asked Randolph for money, which obviously could have been used to buy unecessary items. It says that she was begging for lunch. Then after he told her to get a job she begged him to buy her a business suit for an interview. If that part was funny, it’s because she highlighted Randolph’s hypocrisy.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.