you haven’t been the same
since your brawl with a killer whale,
during your morning Channel swim.
Take the box jellyfish by the tentacles
and start living your life again.
Try hang gliding across the Grand Canyon,
flying a hot air balloon across the Atlantic,
or base jumping from the Devil’s Marbles.
“Lately, diving boards make me hyperventilate,
like short fused dynamite crammed up the date.”
“You used to explore the remains of the Titanic
and hunt Great Whites without a hint of panic.
How about trekking through the Amazon?”
“I would rather sit here and sample ciders
than be terrorized by snakes and spiders.”
“What about a holiday on the moon,
if I sedate you for the journey?”
“I’d get terribly home sick.”
“Does an ultra-marathon foursome,
with model triplets, sound awesome?”
“Away from thee, you twisted offspring of Satan.”
Digby summoned leggy lovelies in luxurious lingerie.
They leapt from see through dresses
and lounged in front of Digby’s once lifeless friend.
A waiter brought champagne
and fresh fruit salad buried in gelato.
Constantine gasped, his eyes bulged.
“Think us, an emperor sized waterbed
and you earning that sumptuous treat
by going where few men dare tread”
the trio of leggy lovelies said.
“I’ll leap from a U2 in a wingsuit
if you let me watch you make love
and kiak off Victoria Falls if you let me join in!”
“Enjoy the pool, I have paperwork” Digby declared.
The trio’s bikinis shone like supernovae.
Their synchronized swimming
made flamingos look as graceless as beached leopard seals.
All Constantine had to do was make Evel Knieval and Icarus
look as ordinary as senior citizens at the skate park
and hedonistic heaven was his.
Digby ticked the last box on his hit list.
Surely, not even the great Constantine Jumper
could survive plunging off Victoria Falls in a kiak.
Wingsuit Backflyer by Richard Schneider
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